Wednesday, March 19, 2014

on the run

today felt like a flippin' Thursday
its extremely annoying!
this week seems like the longest week of the year...
or my life
either one its been long
My phone broke
I honestly feel completely disconnected from any communication with anybody
its horrible
so if I haven't responded to your texts or calls
that's why

there are two parts to this post tonight

Part 1
the other day, we watched this mormon message video in seminary
about bullying
I am sure majority of you have viewed this video
but if you haven't click here
this video was so good watching it the first time
but about an hour or so ago I watched it for the second time
and I got so emotional
not only because it was such a touching video with a incredible message
but because of how everything president uchtdorf said not to do
I have been doing
I feel like a completely cruel and awful person
for doing that
I guess for a really long time, it has been really hard
forgiving others
I hold grudges
its such a horrible flaw and its one of the toughest things
I have been trying to overcome
I am not sure where I meant to go with this first part

this part 1 is about forgiving

I looked up the synonyms for the word forgiveness 
and google gave me these:
pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, indulgence, clemency, mercy
all these words describe forgiveness perfectly
not forgiving others is such a haunting thing
it never seems to leave you until you forgive the person/people
you can't help but to speak about it or think about it 
its like a bad memory
or that piece of something you swear have thrown away a million times
yet it still randomly shows up in your room somewhere every few weeks
my advice to you:
truly forgive others

President Uchtdorf puts it the most perfect way it can be put

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it. it’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

forgive please
don't be like me and have grudges to get rid of
and relationships to mend and repair
its never worth it

Now for Part 2
I have been so excited to write about this all day
at track practice this afternoon
a friend of mine
who shall remain nameless
was really struggling
where it was just not there day
we all have those days
they're no bueno
this friend had been struggling not only emotionally (from what I guessed)
but physically
she was in a lot of pain from injury and surgery
I didn't get to talk to her 
but she taught me something that is so incredible
that I just had to share with you all today
like every person
comparing each other is a weakness
we all have
I tend to do that
way too much
especially when it comes to sports
I was constantly
all the time
comparing myself to every girl I saw
it was totally effecting my performance and improvement
I was getting worse rather than getting better
then this person told me something that has changed my life since
she told me that god doesn't compare you to anyone
he compares you to you
because you
are you :)
trying your hardest is what counts
improving yourself is the only thing that matters
I don't know why that had such a powerful affect
probably because it was true
all of you
everyone who reads this blog
don't compare yourself
that's pointless I know realize 
if you compare yourself to yourself
as in make yourself better
it really makes a difference
a HUGE difference in your life and how you look at yourself

I love you all

have a fabulous week
just one more term of school than...



ok bye!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

words as weapons

these past few days....even weeks have just


funny because my last post was about being happy
I probably shouldn't use that word but that describes it almost perfectly
my grades have tanked because of missing school
my health has been in the toilet
and I have not been a happy camper

I sometimes forget that this life is all about challenges that we must overcome
Life can be so good at times and
you can just feel as if you can accomplish anything
your self esteem is on high and
nothing wrong, worldly or hurtful can touch you

sometimes one thing can just make you crash and you feel so hopeless & awful
other times its just little things that happen that
diminish you and your happiness
the second one seems worse than the first

I don't necessarily want to share my emotions and how I feel on my blog
that would be so selfish of me
because all of us
or will feel this way
and so me not sharing it and not helping someone who may need it
or not letting people know that everyone struggles, not just them
would be wrong
so that is why am going share how I feel

to be sincerely honest
I have been so depressed
I have felt the most depressed since a very long time
my mom told me that after being sick, it is scientifically proven that you can get depressed
I was sick
but I feel as though that is not the reason why I am depressed
I don't feel myself
I am not comfortable in my own skin
I am typically the type of person who usually is always happy
is smiling and shows that life is the and that I am just...
crazy happy
but I am not always like that
my self confidence has been the lowest it has been since a sometime ago
and I absolutely hate hate hate double hate that out of anything in this universe
I am the kind of person who usually is always happy
is smiling and shows that life is the and that I am just
crazy happy
but I am not always like that
I fell like all the people around me are so unhealthy in the sense they are really fake
no one is true to themselves
no one seems honest to themselves
I haven't been honest to myself either, which make me super unhappy
I have been constantly feeling as such an outsider everywhere I go
I don't know if its just me and my selfishness lately
but when I school, I look around and see all this


everyone is so absorbed in themselves
including myself
and the air just feels so sad

I wish it didn't...

I have been reading the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
I recommend everyone of you who reads my blog, go read this book
it is such an amazing book that has helped me get through
these past couple of days
He talks about helping with depression by doing small acts of kindness
it helps you focus outward, not inward.
Once I read that, I kinda got a little mad
I was super mad that day just because of all the rotten things that were getting thrown at me
right and left
I really didn't want to do service in that moment, obviously
but I realized how selfish I was acting
my selfishness was making me depressed
it felt like a light bulb when off in my head for the billionth time

everyone knows that serving others helps you to be happier and all that.....stuff
but really
imagine if everyone was thinking about others.
Picture how amazing this world would be!
How amazing school would be!
everyone would want to come to school
everyone want to help all of us.....if that makes sense

we all have bad days
bad weeks
bad months
and even bad years
life is going to be full of those
sometimes we can control it
but other times we can't
Life is always going to be hard
which really is not fun
really it sucks
that is life

the best part about that is
all of us
each & everyone of us can get through it

when your sibling is being a bum, just keep pushing through
when you fail a test or get a bad grade on an assignment, keep pushing through
when you are so stressed that you just could rip your hair out, keep pushing through

when your friends are crappy to you...please keep pushing through
that last one can be the hardest of them all
I know how it feels, I promise I do
I have had countless experiences where my "friends" have not been there
and have not been my "friends" which in reality, they aren't my friends
they are just rude people
If you need a friend, come to me and I will come to you
because I always need one too

remember, Heavenly Father isn't going to give us something we can't handle
if there is one thing I wish everyone to take away from this blog post
it is that
he is always there
he will never leave you
turn to him whenever you need or want anything
I can 100%, all the way, guarantee he will be there

I hope you all have a marvelous Sunday
I love you all



Tuesday, February 25, 2014

happy by pharrell williams is my jam today guys

like my title?

I have been getting a lot of positive feedback and compliments on my blog
and it literally makes my day!
you guys are all so.......
thank you for reading it and liking it!

I was trying to find a way to start this post
for about
10 minutes
I realized that I could just start this post about not knowing how to start it
I have been really thinking about happiness lately
for the past week or so I haven't been at my most
when I say happy I don't mean
bouncing off the walls
smiling for my entire day
that kind of happy
which at school I know I may seem that way
I know I'm crazy
its because I am happy

I mean the happy of
having a positive attitude
feeling good inside and
wanting to do good

being sick has definitely been a big factor
of my non happiness
but even being sick
happiness can still be accomplished
after pondering the entire day on others happiness
and what not
I realized something

when others are really happy
truly happy
you know it
you don't just see it
you know it for fact
when I look at some of my friends throughout the day
like really look
sometimes I see people who are so happy
this happy is the happiness
of wanting to serve others
caring about others
being selfless pretty much
you know they care about you
but other times I see my friends and they look so
they may be smiling
looking like they are having a great time
but they don't look genuinely happy
it makes me so sad

I think Happiness can come in different ways
I mean there is the happiness of the things you can touch, see & feel
like instagram
or twitter
or new clothes
or food
or other stuff
those things are so....


my food is gone in like 5 minutes max so its definitely temporary
but instagram or twitter?
I think those things may seem like they make us happy
when in reality
in my opinion
they are so awful
instagram can be fun
I used to care a lot about instagram and
who liked my photos
who followed me
what pictures I posted
because they obviously had to be with cool people
and they had to be all hipster like and what not

looking back I was so dumb
it made me so depressed and so upset all the time
it was exhausting!
why on earth I even cared is beyond me

and twitter?
twitter in my opinion is the worst thing
I have seen/heard so many mean things on there
that it makes me sick
its appalling how some people can be so mean to others
and then
have other people thinks its funny and go along with it
and they all get away with it

now put aside all those things I just said about temporary happiness
think long term now
what makes you happy?
like really really happy? 
my examples I came up with in 5 seconds
laughing with my friends
feeling the spirit
and serving others

I think those things are waaaaayyyy more long term than those others I listed

I hope this post wasn't me just rambling about my opinions to you
and I hope you got something out of it


love you all


Friday, February 21, 2014

hey im alive guys haha

so I haven't posted in awhile

I am sick in bed right now (wahoo)
and I am too lazy to go into detail about the past two weeks sooo ya

Simplot was flippin rad! I loved it!
there were so many black people there and I LOVED it
haha I am not racist

that's pretty much it



Thursday, February 6, 2014

work it work it work it fierce!

Oh good heavens
tomorrow is friday!
yes yes yes yes yes
I love fridays
I have no idea what in the world I will be doing tomorrow night
I probably will sleep
or be alone
or something
I have no idea
this weekend I have a track meet on Saturday
I am super nervous
and yet I am not
 I mean I am not fast

but its the experience I am doing it for

the more I am doing track
the more I have been realizing that
it doesn't matter who I beat
the only things that actually does matter is if I beat myself
over come my struggles

I think that that is how it is in life
why is everyone so competitive with each other
in one of beyonce's songs
(yes I obviously am going to have her in my blog post. ;)
she talks about how women compete with themselves for the attention of
"...But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage
And we don't teach boys the same?
We raise girls to each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men..."
really though!
there is so much drama over guys these days!
girls "fight" over them
they aren't property


I think that if girls would start
developing there talents
and other things like that
girls would have a lot more of success

women have been known for so long to
be the wife at home who does
the domestic things
and takes care of the children
and all that stuff
but women need to step up in the world!
women need to get an education
dream big
and be self reliant at least some part
of there life

of course
being a mother is the most
and most important
thing to do
but women need to be more involved in this world
I am not hating women

I promise

thanks for reading my blog peeps

happy friday tomorrow


the winter olympics started today
I am so happy


Sunday, February 2, 2014

friends they are jewels

I have great friends
I love my friends so much
I haven't really felt like my friends truly love me for who I am
for a really long time
and I am now starting to feel that way
I am really crazy and weird and have an extremely loud laugh
that is probably not the most attractive thing in the world
but that's okay
I used to be so self conscious about not being myself
I would have been judged for it
but now
I don't care anymore
I am me and I am pretty great actually :)
who cares about the judgers whoever they may be?
its not like they have a life or anything
if they did, they most likely wouldn't be waisting their time judging you and other people because
they are so insecure about themselves
I shouldn't have to try to be normal or cool or whatever
being "popular" and "normal" is so
being popular is the dumbest thing on the planet
because its not even real
and being normal is just
the biggest waste of time honestly

Its really sad when I see people and they try so hard to fit itwhat is fitting in anyway?
is it having the coolest beanies and shoes?
is it having the most expensive clothes from rip off name brand stores?
is it having tons of followers on twitter and instagram?
is it having the coolest pictures on instagram with the most comments & likes?
it is being friends with the "popular" kids?
is it being skinny?
the answer


the REAL answer?

haha of course not!

that is not fitting in
because there is no fitting in
fitting in is this mind set everyone has because we all have created this fantasy
of it
you don't have to try to fit in
you already do
its just that the world doesn't want you to feel secure in anyway possible
and tells you that
the way you are,
the true way you are
isn't right
or isn't perfect
or whatever the crap it is

the truth is
there is no need to try to be accepted into this world
this world is full of nasty horrible people
this world is full of amazing kind people
the nasty horrible people will always be their no matter what
they will hate on you and make you feel like you can't live in your own
skin anymore
as steve jobs would say to those people...
"and what exactly have you done with your life?"

the amazing kind people will always be their no matter what too
you just have to find them
sometimes they seem almost impossible to find
but nothing is impossible
the word impossible has the worlds I'm Possible in them

you are all amazing people
don't let the Satan deceive you into thinking your not good enough
and that who you are isn't good enough either
you are
don't ever forget that



Saturday, January 25, 2014

your bones


I have been wanting to grow up
I want to go to college
I want to travel
I want to get my under graduate
I want to get a professional job
I want to get my graduate degree

I just want to get out in the world and learn
learn about everything and anything I can get my hands on

I have such a desire to learn
I feel like Utah has been this bubble for me
Utah is a bubble
There is hardly any diverse culture here and it makes me sick sometimes
where are all the people!?
Utah is safe
but I don't care for safe right now
I want to go out in the world where there is
various political views
I want to live my life to the fullest possible
I don't want to get out of high school, go to college
just trying to find a husband
of course I do want a husband
I want to be self reliant in my early years of college
be an independent women...just like Beyonce's song! ;D
Marriage is very important to me
but getting an education is such a valuable thing to me
that I could never replace that for marriage

Now don't get me wrong.
Marriage and having children is beautiful
its one the reason we came down here to earth
I want to get married in the temple for time and all eternity
with my future spouse
and have a family that can be together forever
my knowledge that I gain here on earth
is important too....
ya know?

I got these college recruiting letters
of course they were from small town schools that I had no interest in
but they got me so excited
I just kept thinking how badly I wanted my acceptance letter from
Georgetown in Washington DC
it made me want to work so hard to get that
I am so dedicated and trying my hardest for that

I hope all your weekends were/are extra-ordinary